Last night I thought about someone I loved who is not with me, and I asked what was preventing me from having that feeling more consistently in my life. Here's the dream:
I went up the big bridge instead of the two smaller ones by accident. This one was much steeper and more dangerous--so steep that I had to cling to railings and haul myself up hand over hand. When I made it to the top, it became a roller coaster, whizzing through cold air and snow.
My friend I. was morose because she had cancer.
I needed to mail a piece of paper about a house I was buying. My friend G.'s sister R. was my real estate agent, and I made small talk to her, then I pulled on a pair of navy blue pants labeled size PS and said "What the fuck?" because they were so enormous they hung like a tent around me. R. started to laugh really hard, and I joined her, and it was so funny we couldn't even make a sound--we just laughed in silence. G. was morose in the corner because she had cancer, and she didn't laugh.So the most obvious interpretation is that I'm holding onto anger (the cancer) which is preventing me from creating love. Bridges are important decisions, critical junctions; roller coasters are erratic behavior, changes, life's ups and downs. I chose the big one, so either I'm working on a big change or I'm particularly erratic lately (which is true). Humor helps, and making solid decisions helps--but there's still the anger hovering in the background, morose.