I was in Moscow for two months in the summer of 1998. It was like a giant, mosquito-infested brothel. I was offered $5 for sex. I was kissed by the worst kisser in the entire world (not the man who offered $5, who I only assume was a better kisser because I can't imagine a worse one--for reference, pucker your lips as tight as possible into a firm beaklike protuberance, and peck). I was asked by a fruit-vendor why I spoke Russian so badly. I was told by a man that I couldn't possibly be Asian, that certainly I was black--just look at the color of my skin to tell! (I was very tan at the time) I experienced peeing in an outhouse that was nasty beyond your wildest dreams of foulness. If I won an all-expenses-paid vacation to Russia, I think I'd refuse.
this is hilarious...and pretty much how i feel about russia...except for i've never been there. i do want to go, really!
ReplyDeleteIt might be different now, since I went 14 years ago. Someone definitely needs to go there and blog about it! It should be you!
DeleteWas the kisser the vacuum cleaner? I don't blame you for not wanting to go back. Perhaps it's a cultural thing, but I don't think so. After all, this rant wasn't about different styles of humor. Shees! Don't take that ticket.
ReplyDeletehttp://francene-wordstitcher.blogspot.com/
Heh heh...I think the "vacuum cleaner" is the name of another kind of bad kissing. The name for the bad kiss I experienced would perhaps be "the determined chicken peck."
DeleteLooks like a really backward place, sorry if that offends anyone.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I kind of thought so too. I didn't even start about the bureaucracy (FAR worse than Brazil's), the total lack of ecological consciousness, the general feeling that no one would be kind to me unless they wanted something from me. It's understandable, though--it's ignorance born of insularity and decades of fucked up politics in which no one with an ounce of authority gave a shit about anyone below them. Understandable but I still don't want to go anywhere near that.
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